keep reading or watch short on youtube

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keep reading or watch short on youtube

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keep reading or watch short on youtube

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bert is on government aid

recently lost his job at coal creek

and his 401k

moved from apartment to trailer

my name is candace owens
and this is nothing but the truth

on february 24, i got a call
not from my team
not from a journalist
but from someone connected directly to the white house

they said they were just the messenger
but the message was clear

"someone very high up is asking
if you could stop talking about brigitte macron"

its easy to disregard a comedians peak performance as...

"hes just talking nonsense and then people laugh about how foolish he is"

fair enough

talking nonsense is part of comedy

ive seen your eyes as they fix on me
"what is he doin'?
what on earths the plan
has he got one?"
you better give me some pointers
since you are the big rocket launcher
and im just the shotgun
i aint got no dollar signs in my eyes
that might be a surprise
but its true, said, im not like you
and i dont want your advice or your praise
or to move in the ways you do
and i never will

.
.

cause all you people are tech addicts
and all your stories are stale
and though you pretend to stand by us
i know youre certain we will fail

.
.

and its not her fault

and the following is not a joke

but before you continue

you need to know that "omi" is what we cordially call our grandma in german

elephants can fly

because they have large ears

dumbo is proof of that

but why should 'bibi' netanyahu be equipped like 'dumbo'?

a friends grandma died

and hes sad

it was a shock for him and his family

and it was extra sad for him because he wanted her to see him getting married

on monday i had a simple test for you

to find out whether you are a fun person or german

and the test was about a german word:

Bauarbeiterdekolleté

is likely because you are a little too german when it comes to how you dress

particularly how youre wearing your jeans 👖

i have a simple test for you

unless you are...

sweet as a cake
salty as potato chips
and as fatty as mac and cheese

because people want...

everything
at any time of the day
delivered to any place in the world
immediately — without waiting for it

so you can go from caveman to → rockstar

(without being cringe)
(without being a leader)
(and without being an asshole)

and here are the steps to follow [1] if you want make an impact in the world:

0 - accept: first they ignore you

if i asked you “what is happiness”

what would you say?

its tricky right

its also abstract

remember gee from tuesday?

he got laid off recently

but took it like a warrior

not sure if he also got laid as an effect of my last email

(after almost 3 years)

lets call him gee

and this message is for him... as much as it is for you

he wrote on linkedin

and i didnt know why

until i realized the truth...

see, last night i checked the 90 jokes i wrote recently

and honestly didnt like them anymore

(Scene opens in Dr. Bob’s office. Kathy enters.)

Dr. Bob:
Yes, come in. I’m just washing my hands.

Kathy:
I’m Kathy Bigman. Janet Carlisle referred me.

Dr. Bob:
Ah yes, yes — that’s me. Please, have a seat.
Before we begin, let me explain how we work here.
I charge five dollars for the first five minutes, and absolutely nothing after that.

is not because of their comfy couch or their fancy degrees hanging on the wall

women fall in love with their therapists

because therapists do something most guys don't

they actually listen