naii.io logo

naii.io

Archives
Log in
Subscribe

naii.io

Archive

did you stop drilling your hammer into the hole?

A young boy pedals furiously down a quiet, paved country road. He wears a bright blue helmet.

The boy hits a jump. He attempts a backflip.

He crashes.

He slides down a massive, black, inflated safety ramp. The BMX bike clatters away.

#379
August 1, 2026
Read more

a smile a day keeps the doctor away

September 19, 1991.

The room is dark.

Lisa sits on the couch, knees tucked under her, the sheet music folded in her lap. She has just been sung to by Michael Jackson. Her birthday has become the best night of her entire life.

The man stands up from the armchair.

#378
August 1, 2026
Read more

do what works

A man walks onto a small stage, one hand gripping the mic stand, the other shoved in his pocket. He tells a room of people in folding chairs that he cut someone off at a red light on the way there. The driver rolled down their window and yelled, "Hey, nice blinker, idiot." He shrugs. "I didn't even have it on. I didn't know I had one, honestly."

The crowd laughs. He pauses, lets it land, then says, almost to himself: "Well, that went pretty well. I'm going to just keep telling that joke."

He tells it again. Same setup, same delivery, same shrug. The crowd laughs harder, because now they see what he's doing and they've decided to come along. He tells it a third time and they start laughing before the punchline. He introduces himself mid-set, shares his name and where he's from, then walks right back into the same joke like it's the most natural thing in the world. By the sixth or seventh round he's visibly tired, apologizing between deliveries, and the room is still cracking up. Someone offstage tries to wave him off. He keeps going. When he finally stops, the place erupts.

Afterward, alone with the camera, he laughs to himself. He expected the bit to die after a few rounds. Instead it was the best four or five minutes he's ever had on stage, and he told one joke.

#377
July 30, 2026
Read more

a woman without hip movement is a Messi that moves like a giraffe

She wasn’t very alive.

This old Russian lady.

That walked past me at the speed of a turtle.

But she moved—and I congratulate her for that.

#376
July 29, 2026
Read more

Simon is 36.

When he leaves the house to run errands, his face stays frozen.

When he watches soccer at home, his eyebrows remain in place.

When he has sex with his wife Catherine, she lies in bed like the trunk of a Canadian birch tree. Even a beaver would never nibble her.

Simon is not a lumberjack. He doesn’t even like brushed flannel shirts with red-and-black plaid squares marching across the front. Even though he is as square as Forrest Gump.

#375
July 28, 2026
Read more

how to AKCHEWLY change your laif for the better

(skip the intro if you know me already and go straight to “this is about YOU and your mum…”)

hi, im alex, runner of naii.io. for 20 years ive been here to help mission-driven individuals and multi-person projects with a buy button on their website (static (web1), dynamic (web2), blockchain (web3), ai (web4)) tell their stories through paid media (ads), social media (X, Meta, YouTube), owned media (blog), and earned media (community).

im doing it because at the end of my 150+ years of life (i want to live forever like a vampire) i want to tell my non-biological grand-children stories that leave their jaw open for good - after my adventures in the intersection of technology, humanity, and the destruction evolution of it through ai - dark humor included.

picture “indiana jones” and “jcvd” and “agent mulder” and “roswell” and “dawson’s creek” and "take that" and “beverly hills cop” and “goonies” and “into the wild” and “ghost in the shell” and “the oa” and “burning man” and “donny darko” and “obvious adams” (book) and “snl” and a dose of “laura palmer” and “42” (coincidentally my current age but im referring to the novel).

#372
June 20, 2026
Read more

A filter for the mouth that transforms words of anger into words of love AFPTTSE5

🇩🇪Ein Mundfilter, der Worte der Wut in Worte der Liebe verwandelt

🇨🇴Un filtro para la boca que transforma palabras de rabia en palabras de amor

🇫🇷Un filtre pour la bouche qui transforme les mots de colère en mots d'amour

#371
May 16, 2026
Read more

A Sandman sprinkling sleep-sand into a cheating spouse’s eyes to never open again AFPTTSE4

🇩🇪Ein Sandmann, der einem untreuen Ehepartner Schlaf-Sand in die Augen streut, sodass diese sich nie wieder öffnen.

🇨🇴Un Sandman que le esparce arena del sueño en los ojos a la pareja infiel, para que nunca vuelvan a abrirse.

🇫🇷Un Marchand de Sable qui répand du sable de sommeil dans les yeux du conjoint infidèle, pour qu'ils ne s'ouvrent plus jamais.

#370
May 12, 2026
Read more

A red nose that shows you’re lying AFPTTSE3

This was another episode of AFPTTSE - Ads for products that totally should exist.

See you tomorrow

Alex

#369
May 11, 2026
Read more

A shoulder angel that always reminds you to do what’s right AFPTTSE2

This was another episode of AFPTTSE - Ads for products that totally should exist.

See you tomorrow

Alex

#368
May 10, 2026
Read more

The mute button for people who talk too much AFPTTSE1

This was another episode of AFPTTSE - Ads for products that totally should exist - actually it was the first episode.

See you tomorrow

Alex

#367
May 9, 2026
Read more

When you die a lil, they laugh a lot

How do you make a stranger laugh out loud with only your written words?

See, what’s funny to you might not be funny to someone else. Humor is subjective. So far so clear.

But you can force your humor on someone else and literally make them laugh through your live performance. You’ve got the whole arsenal of tools ready to be fired: your words, your voice, your speech (rhetoric), your delivery (deadpan, animated/alive, relatable, confrontational, et al.) your facial expressions (smile, RBF, pokerface, et al.), your body language, your sounds (intentional and unintentional), and the X factors of context, ambience, aura, momentum.

Your story was weak, your punchline didn’t land, your English is not native, your audience doesn’t like you. You can screw all that up but you can get away with it when you use the other live tools you have as an IRL human.

#366
April 26, 2026
Read more

His redneck hands found their way into my cocky pants

He grabbed my Californian Redwood and knocked
"Who’s there?" I asked
Your worst enemy
"A woman?"

#punchlineday

#364
March 16, 2026
Read more

I ran out of ideas

I guess I’m not the creative type
And my life is also not that interesting
So who would care?
But then I realized that everyone’s life is boring
They only made it look interesting
By zooming in
See, sometimes it’s not the things you’re doing
But the way you’re showing what you’re doing
So when I talk about a blue bucket
What do you see?
Exactly.
And what if I told you that this blue bucket is full of ice cold water?
Exactly.
I got goosebumps too
And was reminded of that particular challenge that everyone was obsessed about back in the days
And whether you like it or not
We just traveled back in time for a moment
Because the ice bucket challenge was a thing of the past
And the emotions you connect with it felt just as real as when it happened

So when you think you ran out of ideas
Zoom in
Or have sex
Because ideas come when you relax your mind

Happy climax

#punchlineday

#363
March 13, 2026
Read more

I’m a nobody

Because I have no friends
I have no friends
Because I’m broke
I’m broke
Because I have no job
I have no job
Because I have no education
And I don’t need no education
Because I always have the internet
Where I can be anyone I want
Say everything I want
And feel good about myself
Because everything I need is myself
And my own thoughts
In my bubble of wisdom
Where nobody is questioning me
Because I’m always right
Where everybody is following me
Because I’m interesting
Where everybody is giving me money
Because I’m providing value
Where everybody is giving me jobs
Because they love me

I’m a nobody in real life
But online I’m the lion king

Now bow down and obey
And listen to what I’m about to say

🌬️

#362
March 12, 2026
Read more

I said to myself I would rather die than get on stage

So I died
And was reborn as a person who doesn’t give a f*ck and acts like it’s emergency
But when I went on stage
A person didn’t like my puns
Took out a gun
And shot me into the emergency room
Which is where I died
And this time I was reborn as a gun
So I every time I went on stage and opened my mouth
I shot the audience
It was a killer performance

#punchlineday

#361
March 12, 2026
Read more

A man said to a woman

“Man, I feel like a woman”
The woman said
“Yeah, and I feel like a man”
Then they went to bed and slept
The next morning they woke up and thought
“I’m glad it was only a nightmare last night”
And they screwed each other with proper sexual identities in place

#punchlineday

#360
March 11, 2026
Read more

She didn’t want to take off my shirt

Because she was afraid of what she will see
But when I “opened up”
She was relieved I had a belly like her
And t*ts like her
And a p*nis like her
And everything else I liked about her
Split personality is a blessing in disguise

#punchlineday

#359
March 9, 2026
Read more

Sep 28 — At first I thought it was rats // AUTUMN ANGST

when I heard something moving inside my walls

You know that panicked scurrying sound they make when they’re trying to escape

But this was different. This thing moved with purpose. With intelligence

I put my ear against the wall (again) and felt vibrations on the other side. Almost like someone was writing something. Etching words into the building itself

#343
October 5, 2025
Read more

Sep 27 — Gasolina // AUTUMN ANGST

My name slithered through the walls

Neighbors’ voices passing it between them in Arabic and English

I pressed my ear against the drywall, caught fragments that wouldn’t mix, like droplets on a windshield

When I yanked open my door, the hallway’s buzzing fluorescents caught four neighbors frozen mid-conversation

#342
October 5, 2025
Read more
Older archives  
naii.io
naii.io
naii.io
Powered by Buttondown, the easiest way to start and grow your newsletter.