He grabbed my Californian Redwood and knocked
"Who’s there?" I asked
Your worst enemy
"A woman?"

#punchlineday

I guess I’m not the creative type
And my life is also not that interesting
So who would care?
But then I realized that everyone’s life is boring
They only made it look interesting
By zooming in
See, sometimes it’s not the things you’re doing
But the way you’re showing what you’re doing
So when I talk about a blue bucket
What do you see?
Exactly.
And what if I told you that this blue bucket is full of ice cold water?
Exactly.
I got goosebumps too
And was reminded of that particular challenge that everyone was obsessed about back in the days
And whether you like it or not
We just traveled back in time for a moment
Because the ice bucket challenge was a thing of the past
And the emotions you connect with it felt just as real as when it happened

So when you think you ran out of ideas
Zoom in
Or have sex
Because ideas come when you relax your mind

Happy climax

#punchlineday

Because I have no friends
I have no friends
Because I’m broke
I’m broke
Because I have no job
I have no job
Because I have no education
And I don’t need no education
Because I always have the internet
Where I can be anyone I want
Say everything I want
And feel good about myself
Because everything I need is myself
And my own thoughts
In my bubble of wisdom
Where nobody is questioning me
Because I’m always right
Where everybody is following me
Because I’m interesting
Where everybody is giving me money
Because I’m providing value
Where everybody is giving me jobs
Because they love me

I’m a nobody in real life
But online I’m the lion king

Now bow down and obey
And listen to what I’m about to say

🌬️

So I died
And was reborn as a person who doesn’t give a f*ck and acts like it’s emergency
But when I went on stage
A person didn’t like my puns
Took out a gun
And shot me into the emergency room
Which is where I died
And this time I was reborn as a gun
So I every time I went on stage and opened my mouth
I shot the audience
It was a killer performance

#punchlineday

“Man, I feel like a woman”
The woman said
“Yeah, and I feel like a man”
Then they went to bed and slept
The next morning they woke up and thought
“I’m glad it was only a nightmare last night”
And they screwed each other with proper sexual identities in place

#punchlineday

Because she was afraid of what she will see
But when I “opened up”
She was relieved I had a belly like her
And t*ts like her
And a p*nis like her
And everything else I liked about her
Split personality is a blessing in disguise

#punchlineday

when I heard something moving inside my walls

You know that panicked scurrying sound they make when they’re trying to escape

But this was different. This thing moved with purpose. With intelligence

I put my ear against the wall (again) and felt vibrations on the other side. Almost like someone was writing something. Etching words into the building itself

My name slithered through the walls

Neighbors’ voices passing it between them in Arabic and English

I pressed my ear against the drywall, caught fragments that wouldn’t mix, like droplets on a windshield

When I yanked open my door, the hallway’s buzzing fluorescents caught four neighbors frozen mid-conversation

as I passed beneath it

No warning flicker, just sudden absence

I stopped, waited, watched - testing fate

A hiss escaped the fixture overhead, angry as a cornered animal, before one final spasm of light surrendered to black

when I wasn’t looking

White rectangle with words that trembled across the page, as if whoever wrote them couldn’t keep their hand steady

Blue ink bleeding into the fibers, "You’ll drive farther than you think."

Nothing else

on the news last night

The anchor’s voice went flat and professional—the way they talk when they don’t want to scare viewers.

Twelve-year-old this time.

They showed his school picture: front teeth still growing in, eyes squinting against the flash.

They took a blade to the steering wheel. Carved a triangle with a circle through it. Like an eye staring back at me.

The leather is butter-soft. Probably cost more than most people’s cars. And someone just... carved into it. My boss at the car dealership is not happy.

Johnson didn’t care when I showed him. Martinez said I should get more sleep. But I know what I saw.

Here’s the thing that bothers me most. Nobody else even looked twice. Just me running my finger along those grooves.

I had bad dreams again last night

I kept hearing car engines outside my bedroom window. Like someone was sitting there in their car. Waiting

I woke up in a cold sweat at 3am. Went to the window expecting to see some creepy stalker in my driveway

Nothing there

Sold a Range Rover today in Dubai

Black beast. Leather seats that smelled like money

Some oil prince bought it. Cash deal. Done in five minutes

One more bundle of dirham from one more stranger I’ll forget by morning

you missed it

my book is off the internet

because summer is over

and so is your summer smile

there are hard questions to answer

like why the iphone air is not called "iphone 17 air"

and then there are questions on how to live

.
.

and theres nothing wrong about puppies

theyre cute

you want to stroke them

and cuddle with them

I didnt do anything special on sep 13 to accomplish that

i only did the following...

publish my PLD83 text as a tweet [1]

included a talking head video

marge:
i saved these for you bart
youll always have them to remind you of the time
when you were the whole worlds special little guy

bart:
thanks mom

lisa:
and now you can go back to just being you
instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catchphrase

homer:
(leaning back on the couch)
(his elbow knocked over a lamp on a small blue table beside him)
(breaking it)

we are no longer together

but we actually had a good one-hour call about a week ago

and she is off the grid since saturday

but im still wishing her good health and fortune