See, life is suffering
Buddha and Dr. Jesus Peterson agree on that
So it is true
Which is why God went ahead and gave women and men one location for universal pain
No matter the (trans)gender, you got them
Which is why the answer didnt surprise me anymore
The answer was Adams-obvious
We need nipples so we can bleed and hurt
Who said that only Jesus can do a bloody good job being all cross-tortured?
You can be humanitys savior too and ascend to heaven and come back for the Apostles
And thats where your nipples come into play—literally
At Nipplify™ we believe nipples are underutilized real estate
Sure, they serve occasional functional purposes, but why not monetize them fully?
I mean, when was the last time you thought of making money while youre sleeping, right?
I know I think about it all the time
Its the dream!
You nap
Wake up
And a green cash cow is right in front of you
Now you gotta milk her
Heres where we need your nipples
Every time an African child suffers from Western paternalism, you get semi-electrocuted
You wont die
But you sure as hell wont wake up feeling good
You carry the burden of humanitys pain
And you wont sleep well
But youll get rich AF
Benefits:
✔ Random nipple pain for Westerns while asleep
✔ Growth stimulation for extra pain boost
✔ Intimacy trigger so you can be horny and scream out of pain simultaneously
✔ Passive income stream (if you can stand the pain)
With the Nipplify, you can monetize your nipples while youre trying to sleep
Masochist customers are making 5 grand a month in their first week, on average
Just stick, click, and cash out
Use code "BLOODYJESUS20" for 20% off your first adhesive nipple-pain starter pack
Because pain is temporary
Monetization is forever
Yeah, it works better for women because they have larger ones but c’mon they got all the pains of being a woman, so shut, man!
But seriously —
Biologically, nipples exist due to how embryos develop.
In the early stages of fetal growth, before sex differentiation kicks in, the basic human blueprint includes nipples for everyone.
Later, sex hormones (like testosterone) influence whether mammary glands develop functionality (breastfeeding for women).
But since nipples were already formed before these hormones came into play, they stick around even if not used functionally.
Evolution works on an “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” basis.
Removing them would require unnecessary genetic rewiring.
So men have nipples because embryos start 'female-neutral', and nature never bothered deleting them after switching gears.
That’s it.
You learned today:
* Nipples exist on both men and women because embryos start with the same basic blueprint.
* The nipples form before sex hormones decide if the embryo becomes male or female.
* In women, they develop functionality (breastfeeding); in men, they just stay there because nature never bothered removing them.
* Evolution works like lazy programming: if it doesn’t hurt survival, it stays.
That’s all you need to know.
So if it all was too long for you, just remember:
Men have nipples because nature didn’t feel like deleting them.
Which is exactly why you have 834 Facebook friends you never talk to.
And if this was insightful and you laughed at least once, you extended your life expectancy by the duration of your laughter.
I recommend you laugh longer next time and collect your Longevity Points → longlife.lol — unless you wanna die.
And if you had an aha moment because you learned something that’s at least 3 quarters of a haha, not bad!
Next time you go from aha to haha
And next time you won’t miss your new daily dose of laughter – just stay subscribed and you’ll see
I got good stuff coming on June 21 with the beginning of Northern hemisphere summer — actually the only summer product that doesn’t you cause sunburn.
Until then...
DON’T DIE
LOL4LIFE
@bryan_johnson is cool